Wishing On A Lizard

One of those weird things I did in my childhood was wishing on a lizard.

People would wish on a falling star, in a prayer, but on a lizard…?

That was my cousin’s idea.

I spent many years with Tinuk. We shared childhood and adolescent together, and ceased only after she got married and had to move thousand miles away, in The Netherlands. We shared beautiful dreams, crazy things, and crazy ideas. And this was one of her crazy ideas, one of those many things I had no idea of where she got from.

One day while sitting by a river in front of my house, a lizard passed by. And she shouted, “I want to be pretty!” I looked at her face confusedly.

She said, “Say your wishes to a lizard passing you by.” She said people had told her so, and what you have wished may come true. Whether it was true or not, I started to follow her advice since then, and thought so much about what I wanted to wish for, so each time I would see a lizard, I could say my wishes immediately, before the lizard gone.

My very first wish to a lizard was “I want to be pretty,” exactly the same as Tinuk’s. And the second was “I want to be a genius.” And the last and mostly forgotten, “I want to be rich.”

It has been almost two decades I’ve been following Tinuk’s advice for wishing on a lizard. Though I gradually stop doing it since a few years ago, sometimes though, when I see a lizard with an amazing skin passing me by and lingers for a while, I still do it.

Tinuk might have always been a pretty girl, marrying a wealthy man with respectable career, owns a house and a cute baby girl, the things she might have wished on lizards passed by her. She might had not been one of the best students when she graduated from university, and might have not been in a manager position of her career, but perhaps, these were not the things she wished for.

These lizards might have heard my wishes and granted my first and second wishes, as I never had problem with weight or hair—only some pimples that I can get rid off after I see a beautician :D and that I haven’t had such a real hard time in college. However, as I always forgot to say the third wish, it seemed that the lizards always forgot to grant it as well, as I see myself still have to be careful with my expenses, and keep wondering how to make more money.

Anyway…such a naïve little girl hardly knows really well what she has to wish for. Wish I knew it better, I would have wished not only for such physical things like beauty, brain, and money. I would have wished for a peaceful world, an eternal cease of wars (political, ethnic or civil wars), an absence of terrorism and the insane doctrines of the religious terrorists, and… the most important of all for me and my people, that is the real improvements in my own country, nation and people—wise decisions I need to hear from the government, a change on the mindset of the people, a stability of prices (at least, only a slight increase), zero corruption, getting free of debts, and free access to or low fares for human basic needs—health, education, transportation.

Now I’ve realized these things, and I don’t think lizards can do anything with them. These take an awareness, a leader, and later, a nation, before they will take the world. They take me, and any individual to start with.

The Art Of Losing

Losing is definitely something not nice to experience (for sure!), but, everyone has at least an experience of losing. We might not realize but, maybe, once we go through it, it's only a verse of our book of life.


Last week, as American Idol reran the entire Season 7 in a "season marathon", Ryan Seacrest mentioned about "the harsh of rejection". It was about losing a chance. Later, Mariah Carey sang Bye Bye on stage and I fell in love with the song right away. This song was about "losing".


Today, I found in Melissa Bank's Girls' Guide To Hunting And Fishing, a best seller chick lit, a quote from Elizabeth Bishop's One Art. I knew this poetry but never really thought of it, but today, I thought, losing is something unavoidable in life.


However, it is not what Elizabeth Bishop wanted to tell us about the art of losing. It is that we should learn to accept "losing".

One Art
by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
So many things seem filled with the intent to be lost
that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day.
Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant to travel.
None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch.
And look!
My last,
or next-to-last,
of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones.
And, vaster, some realms I owned,
two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love)
I shan't have lied.
It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master
Though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

From The Complete Poems 1927-1979 by Elizabeth Bishop, published by Farrar, Straus & Giroux, Inc. Copyright © 1979, 1983 by Alice Helen Methfessel. Used with permission of Farrar, Straus & Giroux, LLC. All rights reserved.

CAUTION: Users are warned that this work is protected under copyright laws and downloading is strictly prohibited. The right to reproduce or transfer the work via any medium must be secured with Farrar, Straus, & Giroux, LLC.

(Well...This is a "copy-and-paste" business, so, with all respect, I guess I better copy and paste the source and whatever prohibition it may contain.)

Mariah's version of "losing" is probably more "hip" than Elizabeth Bishop's, as heard in her Bye Bye lyrics. Nevertheless, it touches my heart that some of its contain speak what I always want to speak to my late dad.

Bye Bye
by Mariah Carey


This is for my peoples
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye
No, no, no

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers
Friends and cousins
This is for my peoples
Who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky
Cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn't get it
But you kept me in line
I didn't know why
You didn't show up sometimes
On Sunday mornings and I missed you
But I'm glad we talked through

All them grown folk things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show
Because you loved me and obviously
There's so much more left to say
If you were with me today
Face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on
I wish I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
and be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

You never got a chance to see
How good I've done
And you never got to
see me back at number one
I wish that you were here
to celebrate together
I wish that we could
spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to
tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me
that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact
you're gone forever

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on
I wish I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by

And it's true that you've
reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say

Bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
Bye bye

True, I wish I've spent more time with my dad before he left me forever. I never thought that I could miss him so much. I thought he would be here forever for me.

Ah, He Got A GF!

These are the things I know why dating is important. We learn much about other. We learn not to be self-centered, we learn to listen, we learn to find a mutual way out, and we learn about the opposite sex—in some cases the latter could be excluded.

But let me ask. If you’re out of date—no matter why: haven’t recovered from your last broken heart, not many attractive guys around—is it so important to go out for a new dating appointment as soon as possible like finding a job so you can pay the bills or like getting a new pair of running shoes when your old ones have been worn out?

You might not be looking for Mr. Perfect—in my version is a hottie, 6 ft tall, broad shoulders, has that Wentworth Miller look and an Alex Band smile, knows how to be a good citizen and folds his flag in a separate corner of his wardrobe, and devotes his life for the poverty and hungry children in Africa (Amen!)—but if you haven’t found a man with the chemistry you’re expecting to find, would you date any man just to have a date?

I wouldn’t do that. I think it would be like lying to the man, pretending that I like him while I actually don’t. And I don’t think it is a good thing to do.

Wentworth Miller - Alex Band

I am not looking for a Mr. Perfect, as I believe that nobody is perfect. A person with the right chemistry is all I need. Although, I know sometimes chemistry can come to the wrong person too, like meeting someone who has a pretty smile and a decent job, charming, generous, humble—well, too good to be true—and just when I think it’s time to make a move, I find out that he’s already had a girlfriend. Oh, stupid Cupid!

Oh Sistas, Where Art Thou?

Most of my blog posts are about me and myself and the world related to me. Once in a while, I remember my dear friends, with whom I share these laugh and tears. I want to share their stories.

Mimay

I always hate Monday. It’s classic, or even cliché, but I do hate Monday. Monday brings me back the routines, the schedule, the weekly meeting, the phone rings, the e-mails, the letters, after two days of peace being myself.

This Monday, instead of being drowned into the hatred for Monday, I’m pleased to surf Mimay’s blog.

She’s still the most photogenic girl I’ve ever known (I’m not gonna compare her to Agnes Monica, or even Paris Hilton. She’s the most common-not-from-celebrity-world photogenic person I know), though I would never forget one Saturday when I went out with Mba Penny, Kak Jamur and Kak Ira, we met her somewhere and hang around Jakarta and when we finally dropped her in front of her boarding house she confessed that she hadn’t take any shower that day!

One thing that I like from her blog is, it’s so girly. It’s so feminine. I’m not talking about a blink-blink page with pink hearts and purple butterflies spread all over. It’s about the writings.

I think the world needs a straight, honest blog, with which you don’t have to pretend you’re tough, or bother too much of being a Fun Fearless Female. A blog that wouldn’t encourage you to pretend you don’t care about things called the BIG ‘L’, or that you have to smile while writing ‘3’ in front of another number in the ‘age’ box in a filling form, or dreaming of a diamond ring or a white knight in a shining armor trying to save you from the questions from your family and friends. You don’t have to pretend you won’t turn to someone like Matt Damon (?), or in my version, Wentworth Miller.

You don’t know what you got till it’s gone.

I like that idea, Mbak Mimay. But in some cases, it’s not us who don’t know what we’ve got. Some cases involve stupid guys (sowy, my male friends…) who don’t know what they’ve got till it’s really gone. Some guys don’t realize that they’ve hold one of the best things in life, instead, they just abandon it. Even in that case, we, the women (praise the Lord to have created such a character) still wondering, have we not preserved it well.

Popin

Popin is the petit girl that has never rejected my invitation to go anywhere or to do anything for weekend, except when she was catching a cold. Recently, she’s the most “invitable” person around.

We went to Chinatown last weekend, having a Chinatown dinner. I had Singaporean noodles and she had her dish consisted of roasted pig’s ear and pig’s intestine (it didn’t look as bad as it’s heard).

Popin issued two announcements. First, she’s just had a new boyfriend (congratulations!). Second, she’d be unemployed as per February 1, 2008.

Popin has spent 5 years with the company she’s been working for. Lately she thought she’s been exhausted and I think she has. I could see how the company had occupied her so much even on holiday season, when she had to organize things and contribute much of her energy, on December 26 and 31 (!).

It might seem unwise to leave a job before you got another. But there are some things in life that you can’t compromise and you can’t take anymore. In Popin’s case, where she’s been loyal and dedicating most of her time and skill for the company, and when the company is unable to see that, keeping it is not wiser than leaving it.

Well…I can’t say how long she’ll be unemployed, neither can her, neither can anybody alive and dead. All I can say is, I wish her the best. I know she’s considered what’s best for her. I just believe that there must be something good for her, an architect who has experienced in designing houses.

Clara

January 29 was Clara’s birthday. Happy birthday, my dear Clara!

Back to my old days in Bali, Clara used to be the girl with bob hair, mocked by the guys (not in a bad way though, just in a sense of friendship), either it had something to do with Mas Yudi or just called ‘ndut’ (usually Fei did this, though Clara wasn’t fat).

Clara loved so much to be in Bahiana. She was pleased to have her first salsa lesson with Ben. She mamboed, she twisted, and she was bent. And like I did, she loved to have a dinner at Warung Italia! A dish of spaghetti carbonara (too bad Antonio didn’t serve fettuccini), a scoop of salad, a piece of cuzione bread for dessert. Just like Mas Yudi, Clara loved to have “Soto Ceker” close to our office building complex for lunch. And yet, sometimes she liked the unhealthy lunch of “nasi jinggo” sold by a vendor passed by our building complex (dear, I really missed those unhealthy things a lot now!). But nothing can beat her love for Siobak Singaraja in Denpasar!

Many times she called herself “coward”, because she said she had no courage to tell her boss what was in her mind (hey, Clara, I think you have a companion here).

Moments with Clara that I’d never forget was the “Clara dan Ketek” (Clara and the armpit), a series of incidents she experienced with our dearest Shigetada Suzuki. Dear…how could I retell those incidents? It has taken all of our pities, laughs, and tears (tears of laughing).

So, Clara is now safe in her hometown, Bandung euy, never forget the pin she sent to me when I went home. I love that pink flower, I love to pin it on my green blazer or my black denim jacket.

Miss Ya Sistas

Life sometimes can be so hard and so harsh and so confusing, but if you have someone to talk to, at least some questions are answered or ideas pop out. And I was lucky I had not only one, I had these good guys to give plenty ideas I needed.

Thanks Mba Mimay for the girly, feminine encouragement. You’re still the most stylish person I know. Yeah, so you’re 57 now? Wow, I must have fallen asleep for 22 years!

Bunch of thanks Clara sista for being there for me in the foodcourt benches, spending hours eating, drinking, talking, browsing and chatting on the internet, and building this circle of friends—these dearest guys of the Foodcourt Club, 8 regular members, 14 or more extended—waiting for me to come on Sunday morning to go to church together, never forget that, and looking forward to another night at Bahiana. 26 are you now, dear? What has your Abang sent for your present? Well, I wish you all the best and lotsa love.

And Tante Po, though you're just 2 blocks away from my house, I wish you good luck for a brave new step you're gonna make in life. Thanks a heap for always available for any jalan-jalan on the weekend. And for any Saturday afternoon messing up my bed for hours sipping cups of coffee, talking about Christian Bale and Stereophonics and Ugly Betty and Won Bin and whether Cesc Fabregas never would come home to Spain and whatever topic girls may talk.

Resolutions 2008

Andik reminded me, "New Year just a week passed. Hope we start it well."

Til he said so, I hadn't remember that I should have.

When I attended the midnight service on the new year's eve, I made some wishes, some of which were "too personal" to publish (sorry...), and yet, I want to post some so I'd never forget to work on. It's day 15 now,but I think it is not too late to remind ourselves of what we've wished for the whole year. Like everyone else has done. Resolutions, the more common term.

A Scholarship

Back to college has always been my dream that hasnt come true. I don't really take a degree so important, what's more important to me is "studying something". I'd like to learn something new, explore a new place, new culture.... Europe is still my dream, or maybe The States, but I don’t think I really want down under.

Another Career

A bored person? I am. I'll never give up til I get my dream career (which I don't know which one). I still want to work for others, like feeding the children, working for the poors, working without making any profit. Selling, marketing, promotions... these things are getting boring.

And I still want to be a writer! One thing that I'll never forget. I want to write for National Geographic, visiting Egypt and seek if there are undiscovered remains of Queen Nefertiti's. Or exploring Peru, digging Peruvian ancient civilization, and later climbing up villages in Nepal. So...I think if there's one perfect combination for these dreams it should be working as a researcher for UNICEF collaborating with National Geographic, doing a research about Nepalese children, writing the research, and publish it on National Geographic Magazine. Or vice versa. Writing for National Geographic, involved in the Machu Picchu project supported by The UNESCO. Aha! ;)

Dreams... dreams. I am a dreamer, but I'll never stop making my dreams come true.

Publishing My Book

Been writing...two blogs, a thesis, a couple of unfinished novels, a dozen of 8 pages short stories...Sent any to publishers? One. To magazines? Some. Published? None (except the ones with BITE Magazine, no wonder laa...).

My fantasy novel, basic idea written when I was in high school, a well-known Indonesian publishing company might categorize as "teen literature", returned it after I rewrote it for months.

I'm not giving up! I'll never give up until I publish one book. And I want this year to be my initial year of my writing career. I'm writing another novel, and I hope I can publish it this year.

A Holiday

I need a holiday! Bali is a good choice to have a relax time, escaping from daily routines, no phonecalls, no fax, no e-mails, no orders. Reminiscing the days I spent with the foodcourt club - Clara, Fei, Andik, Ewy, Mas Yudi, Yu Lie, Shige, Kohei, and Haru, sometimes Farid and Benny - hope I can make it this year!

Oh, and Aceh! I want to see this place. I want to visit Mba Penny and see how she deals with the social life, the working culture, and the locals. Might not be something really important, but I'd like to do it, just to know how life is in this controversial region.

TOEFL and IELTS Scores

I must renew them. I must. It's been...3 years? No university will accept expired TOEFL or IELTS scores. So I'll take them.

Relationships

Want to have better relationships with everyone. I want nothing ruins my relationships with my friends, best friends, co-workers, networks, family (mum, cousins, aunties, uncles), neighbours, and want to mend any broken relationship in the past (like with...ex?! No).

Romantic relationship? Hehe. I guess everybody's wishing for it. But...if I have to talk about it, it could be one single blog title. So, it's better to save it for the next feature. But honestly, I only wished for the good things in relationship I'm in.

There must be some other things - if I search deep inside - been my wishes, but I guess those things are part of my daily wishes (to come to the office safe and sound, come home safe and sound, not eating too much, got enough time to breathe, things like these). Those are my new year's wishes, and I post these wishes on my blog to remind me that I should not stop running for them.

Some wishes need resolution to make them true. Some beyond human power. But I'm reading Rhonda Byrne's The Secret, the book speaks about the power of dream, the power of thinking positively. The universe never hears the negative atributes, like 'not', 'do not', 'never', etc. The universe hears only the positive words. So I guess if we tell the universe everything we wish for, by telling our hearts saying no negative word, the universe will work for us, to make our dreams come true. We still got 351 days!

Happy New Year 2008!

The World Of A Squid

Welcome to The World of a Squid.

You might ask, why I give a name after that mollusks marine creature. Well...to be honest, it's only a name. But, to be very honest again...there's a meaning behind the name.

Squid in Japanese is 'Ika', and Ika is my real name. And why I chose 'squid' instead of any other meaning related to 'Ika' ? Squid was definitely not what my parents wanted me to be.

Ika is originally a sanskrit word

(săn'skrĭt') An ancient Indic language that is the language of Hinduism and the Vedas and is the classical literary language of India (answers.com)

Though I cant tell you the web source that could explain the meaning of 'Ika' in Sanskrit, but my parents believed that 'Ika' means 'One', which is more to 'The Only' rather than 'one' in numerical order. As a matter of fact, I'm the only child of my family (sad...).

This is what Kabalarians.com tells me about my name:

1.Although the name Ika creates the urge to be creative and original, we point out that is causes frustration through a scattered and emotional nature

2.This name, when combined with the last name, can frustrate happiness, contentment, and success, as well as cause health weaknesses in the liver, bloodstream, and in tension or accidents to the head.

3.Your first name of Ika has made you a friendly, approachable, and generous person.

4.Generally you are good-natured, though at times you can be blunt and sarcastic. (me: hmmm…)

5.As you are naturally talkative (!), you find it easy to meet and make friends with many people.

6.This name inclines you to be sympathetic and generous to those in difficult or unfortunate circumstances.

7.You can be firm, positive, and independent in your own ideas and in reaching your own decisions, yet when it comes to taking action or following things through to completion, you often need encouragement.

8.You respond quickly to kind words or any appreciation shown you.

9.There are artistic, creative abilities in this name that you could express through music or singing, or, in a practical way, through sewing or interior decorating

I absolutely agree and like the ideas of point #1,3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8, although I have to reflect myself with the idea shown in pt #4, especially with the statement that I can be blunt and sarcastic.

Point #9 gives me a question। Well…I mean I know that I’m artistic and creative, but I don’t think that I can express it through music and singing, despite the fact that I was a member of the church youth choir, and that my music expression is that I love different kinds of music except dangdut and hardcore and heavy metal, but that’s all. I cannot make music. I just listen to it. I think my only artistic expression is that I can arrange words into a composition which then make a story. This blog might be an example.

And pt#2…hmm… I don’t know much about my own health except that I never had a hypertension and I can have headache easily especially if I don’t eat.

This is what you find when you search ‘ika’ on wikipedia
ika is a basic game engine platform for Windows and Linux. ika was all but discontinued at one point, but a rise in interest has lead the developers to begin working towards a new version. The latest released version of the game engine is version 0.62, which uses Python 2.5

In the same time, you can find a package of Saki Ika or dried squid on the right side of the page.

When I was in Bali I found out that my name could mean Squid. It was a friend of my former employer told me. This fellow called Troy had a Japanese wife and when he knew my name was Ika, he looked at me and asked, “Do you know what your name in Japanese means?” And I shook my head and he explained, “It means cumi-cumi a.k.a squid.” From that moment on, everybody in the office called me “squid.”

At my first meeting with a Japanese friend, Shigetada, I had the impression that he was convincing himself what he heard was really my name। "Ika?" he repeated my word. Shige was a typical Japanese man who wasn't expressive, yet polite. Guessing what he was thinking about, I told him, "Sounds like 'squid'?" And there, I've helped him expressing his thought.

Beside considering the name sound funny to me, it also reminded me that squid has always been my favorite seafood. I really like squids, really, really like them so much. I like calamari, I like seafood cap cay with lots of squid, I like stir-fried squid…I like squids cooked with everything! I like them because they’re chewy, I like their black ink, I like their shape…

The world of a squid might not be as happy and as colorful as ours, and might not be as complicated as ours too…. but if there’s a point that I’d like myself to reflect on this mollusk creature, I am so thankful that I’m not one of them. A life of a human being is complicated yet much much more beautiful than of a short life of a squid’s and the world is much wider than the world of a squid.